Husband invites himself on wife's trip to Thailand to bury her grandmother despite having no connection to her: '[He] is viewing this as some kind of free vacation'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 22, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Everyone has different wishes for how they'd like to spend eternity. You might just want to go to the conventional route to please everyone and make matters simple. But this doesn't mean that everyone has to do the boring thing. The hereafter doesn't have to be boring, and losing someone doesn't mean you have to make everything so serious. Odds are, the person wants to be remembered like they were alive. If they were dry, boring, and serious… a dry, boring, and serious funeral is probably the right thing to do. But if the person had a wild streak and a wonderful sense of humor, then they might want something a little more fun. 

This isn't going to make everyone happy, though. After all, these types of arrangements are really for the benefit of the living. The deceased can't really be there to enjoy it anyway. That's the quagmire one woman found herself in after she lost her grandmother.

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  • 01
    SUGAR
    via Michael Lee

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • She wanted to honor his memory with something that would fit her desires, but had to deal with an overstepping husband. So when she was planning this trip with her father in honor of her grandmother, her husband had a little too much to say. Read on for the story and see what you think.

  • 02

    AITA For going to Thailand with my dad without my husband to spread my grandmas ashes?

    Some context, my dad was born in Thailand and immigrated to the states when he was 13. My grandma used to live in the states 6 months at a time. So she would live 6 months here and then 6 months there. Well she was diagnosed with cancer and unfortunately did here, state side. This was many years ago, and we haven't been able to fly her ashes over to Thailand for financial reasons and also family drama (like my dad's siblings were fighting for who's to do it.)
    via u/Inevitable-Ad6465
  • 03
    Well the time has finally come and he's now taking on the responsibility and asked for me to come with him. My grandma has a whole estate in Thailand. She has a home in a village, a townhome in Bangkok and owns 80 acres of rice field that has been in my family since before I was even born. I should add I have a whole family that I haven't met yet that's been taking care of everything in her estate.
    via u/Inevitable-Ad6465
  • 04
    When my dad asked me of course I said yes. This won't be till next year when I graduate cosmetology school. So he wants to double this trip as a graduation present. I've also never left the country before so that's also why this is a big deal.
    via u/Inevitable-Ad6465
  • 05
    When I told my husband he immediately said he wanted to go and I told him it's really not my trip to invite him on. Whenever I was speaking to my dad about the logistics of the trip he did mention unprompted he wanted it to just be us and next time we go then we can bring my husband.
    via u/Inevitable-Ad6465
  • 06
    Well my husband is very upset and said that if the tables were turned he would have "stuck up for me" and that it's kind of wack that he can't experience something like this with me. It's not like my dad was bashing him, so I didn't know where this "stick up for him" comment fits the situation. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not allowed to have new experiences without him and then he makes me feel guilty. AITA?
    via u/Inevitable-Ad6465
  • 07
    EDIT- info: my husband and I have been together in total for 5 years. My grandmother passed before we got together. He knows how much she means to me. I honor her every holiday by plating food and lighting a candle next to her picture so I know that she feels loved and cared for in the afterlife. I also love my husband very dearly and I would marry him in every lifetime without question. I appreciate everyone's perspective and taking time out of their day to write on here even if it's an opposin
    via u/Inevitable-Ad6465
  • 08

    Commenters gave their thoughts on the situation.

    laurazhobson NTA Your husband is viewing this as some kind of free vacation Your father is viewing this as a very difficult time of grieving, reflecting and mourning when he brings the ashes of his mother home. He rightfully wants this to be a trip with only family members to share the grieving and mourning as well as the remembrance.
    via u/laurazhobson
  • 09
    The dynamic would be completely different with your husband because your father - as well as you - would be forced to be on a "happy social face. Your husband didn't know your grandmother. On a more practical note it would also be more costly for your father who would probably feel that he should pay for your husband and not just you.
    via u/laurazhobson
  • 10
    NoZookeepergame9... NTA - you have never been to Thailand, you are going to support your father and see those who were close to your grandma the other 6 months a year. Do you speak any Thai? I assume your dad does given he was 13. It will be enough for him to facilitate the introductions and navigate the family with you. He is showing you his birthplace and it is an important bonding experience for you two.
    via u/NoZookeepergame9552
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    To add your husband, who isn't of the culture and doesn't speak the language, would make the family you are meeting feel like they have to host a tourist - showing him sites, serving non- traditional food, speaking more English (as many do). That is a completely different vibe than connecting with your dad's roots, and your grandmas other life.
    via u/NoZookeepergame9552
  • 12
    Many_Worlds_Media NTA. Your dad is laying his mother to rest. That is't just some vacation. He absolutely gets to say who comes on that trip. Your husband should be more respectful.
    via u/Many_Worlds_Media
  • 13
    fale
    via Ori Song
  • 14
    No_Cauliflower9907 NTA your husband is selfish and self centered, this isn't a vacation.
    via u/No_Cauliflower9907
  • 15
    imamage_fightme NTA. While your dad may also be treating it as a graduation gift for you, the main purpose of it is dealing with his mother's death. That isn't exactly "rahrah fun holiday!!" material. Not to mention this is coming from
    via u/imamage_fightme
  • 16
    your dad's pocket - would your husband be willing to pay his own way, or is he expecting your dad to fork out so he can tag along? There's a time and place for "standing your ground" and this is not it.
    via u/imamage_fightme
  • 17
    Relat... NTA - This sounds like an incredible opportunity to bond with your father and connect with your roots, family, and ancestors. For your father, it's likely a deeply personal trip. From what I've experienced during my time in China, the
    via u/RelativeConfusion504
  • 18
    culture is built on strong traditions and values around family and heritage. Given that he's been away for so long and that you've never been there, this trip is bound to be filled with emotion and meaningful moments. It's completely understandable that he would want to share this journey with just his immediate family.
    via u/RelativeConfusion504
  • 19
    It also makes sense that your husband feels disappointed- especially if he sees this as a fun travel opportunity. But as your partner, he should be able to support and understand you, especially when something carries so much emotional weight. This isn't just a vacation -it's a chance to reconnect with your family's history in a very real and personal way.
    via u/RelativeConfusion504
  • 20
    Kebar8 Usually family vacations would include husbands and wives. But not when it's a trip to scatter ashes.
    via u/Kebar8
  • 21
    Pale_Cranberry1502 NTA. First, your Dad is Chief Mourner. He gets what he wants in this circumstance. Second, your husband isn't grasping the whole point. He's thinking "What? She's seeing
    via u/Pale_Cranberry1502
  • 22
    Wat Phra Chetuphon (or fill in the blank) without me? I wanna see it too!" That's not what this is. This is not going to be a fun trip. It's going to be a deeply emotional, somewhat sombre visit, with a few moments of happy remembrance tears. Your Dad gets to have who he wants there for that.
    via u/Pale_Cranberry1502
  • 23
    Remind him of that. You'll be able to go back to sightsee and introduce him to your relatives another time.
    via u/Pale_Cranberry1502
  • 24
    Affirmativerobot Absolutely NTA - honestly your husband sounds greedy and manipulative. He clearly doesn't care how much it means for you and your dad to have a moment scattering your grandmother's ashes, he just wants a free vacation for himself on your dad's dime.
    via u/Affirmativerobot
  • 25
    He's way out of line. Please, go on your trip. Spend time with your dad and family there. Cherish this time. And make clear to your husband that he can't bu y you into pushing your dad into giving him free vacations.
    via u/Affirmativerobot
  • 26
    chookie94 NTA. Couples dont need to do everything together. You are still an individual person with your own independent relationships and feelings. This sounds like a very special trip for you and for Dad to be together and honour your grandma/your heritage. Your husband should respect that instead of making this about himself.
    via u/chookie94

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage relationship status reddit story marriage-drama relationships funeral afterlife story ashes reddit thread Reddit funny healthy relationship
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